go back to her.

why?

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i still don't have the slightest thought as to why anything is going the way it is nowadays.it's not necessarily bad, but it's different.and different is frightening, different is beautiful, and with different i am lost.so, i think i shall sit patiently, sit quietly and see how life chooses to play it's self out.and i hope to God, that for once this change will be in my favor, just this once.but whatever, i highly doubt such a thing will occur.

back to reality. 

hello there

hi i am alina and i am shy.

dear blogger,

you are like an old sad friend that everyone has forgotten.
but not me,
me...
i still love you.

breathe

what if i'm tired of breathing? 

get outta town

away away away from here i'll be.
away away away so you can see,
how it feels to be alone,
how it feels to be alone,
and not believe.

i'm getting outta town.hella excited.10 hour drive.oregon.family.food.wedding.beach house.bonfire.awesome shit.

have a fantastic summer everyone(:

!!!HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY GUMDROP(:

happy birthday little megan wayler.i love you to the max and then some more.you are the most freaking amazing person ever.and i hope you have a wicked awesome birthday(:

i am so glad that you were the one to take my texas roadhouse virginity away tonight(:

you are just the best and i love love love you.have the happiest birfffday and get ready to run trains boo.haha.

!HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

                               love,
                                   alina (dollface)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

!!!SIERRA!!!
happy happy happy happy happy happy birthday my lovely lovely candycane(:
you are the bestest and funniest and prettiest candycane i know.
i love you sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much...and then some more.have an amazing day my best friend(:
you rock rock rock.
!HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

                   Love,
                       Alina Reutova  <3

p.s. i never make those gay little hearts, so you should feel loved(:

not a poem, not a lie.

i miss you.even though i probably shouldn't.
i want you.even though i probably shouldn't.but it's okay.
because you make me happy.and i make you happy, at least i hope i do.
i honestly am sick of depression and sadness.
i want to not give a fuck.
i just want to be happy.
i'd like to say i am somewhere near to that.
but i'm not sure...but you're taking me there.
why must it all be so complicated?
let's just all be happy.
i love you.even though i probably shouldn't.
problem is...i don't know who YOU are.
honestly, i don't know why all these thoughts cross my mind.
thoughts i cannot say,
thoughts that no one wants to hear.
i want to kiss you.
and i don't really give a fuck if i shouldn't.
i want to...so i think i will.
damn, i hate complaining.
so i am sorry for this.
and all the shit that you must always hear.
because i know you've got your own.
but take a minute to consider mine.
try to live inside my head,
just for a little while.
i bet you won't survive.
let's just make it all so simple.
take a breath...relax yourselves.

shut me down.

when the world shuts its eyes to you,
that's when you finally start to live.
they've closed the doors.
and there are no windows.
so now it's you and your mind
your heart
your soul.
and you began to think,
why'd you ever think this would be bad?
no one to bring the pain,
no one to force anything upon you,
no one to leave you behind.
so the world shut you down.
and you pushed right back.
you knocked down those doors,
hell, you knocked down those walls.
and know all you can say is:
thanks for closing your eyes.

happy cows?

if happy cows come from california why do they never smile?
i am a happy cow.
and i came from my mama.
...and i smile.

musical stylings by...

go listen to damien rice right now.

why?

life sucks all over again.
why me all the time?

please make me happy.

crap day.

Unhealthy food galore.
Idiotic films.
And a hot house.
Sound fun?
Come join us, lonely losers.  :)

goodnight.

beautiful.

the sun's out for you love.
i am full of red lobster.
and the super bowl sucks.
lets have some fun.

back again.

i honestly thought that i was over you.
at one point i think i made myself believe that.
but it is no where near the truth.
you are constantly on my mind.
i am always searching for you.
just waiting for you to walk through the door,
walk by me.
and i am very disappointed when you don't.
i am surrounded by many people,
but never the ones i want it to be.
i just want you.
but i don't think that i deserve you.
right?
i think you wanted to hold me today,
but i might be mistaken.
i think you know,
but you aren't sure.
i wish i had the nerve to tell you
how i truly feel.
i think one day i will.
i just want you to want me.
i want you.
why does everything i write sound like a poem?
hmm...how many poems have i written about you?
too many, most likely.
i'm sure you don't want them.
don't really care.
so i guess we are back to the beginning,
to the times when i just wish you were mine.
though we do speak more often,
once in a while, touch.
we smile and laugh.
i think you know.

have a beautiful night all you lonely lovers.

please.

i'd like to rid myself of all the worlds disasters.
to learn how to actually breath,
and not catch myself starving for air.
for my heart to actually beat joyfully,
rather than break more with each thump.
i'd like to find you,
and allow us to be happy together.
to see the earth for all it's beauty,
though people have destroyed it.
for the sun to shine,
not only due to good weather.
i'd like to hold your hand,
and not feel as though it was the only thing keeping you beside me.
i'd like the world to rejoyce,
in the simple fact that we are on this planet.
i want to live,
and breath,
and smile.
without all the worlds disasters,
trying to hold me down.